As health professionals we’re challenged in a particular way in our work. Apart from our subject matter and technical expertise there is a unique, if however not always front-of-mind demand upon our interpersonal skills. We all experience people that we find difficult to work with or that trigger us in particular ways. Over time we may detect patterns with regards to the type of people that challenge us, or particular behaviours that we find difficult to respond to. Sometimes we notice that certain aspects remind us of past relationships with significant others, such as our parents, siblings, or partners. Developing more awareness between the connections of our past experiences with our present (professional) interactions can be important for people working with others, as it enables us to gain some influence over our behaviour and relational patterns, which sometimes get in the way of working with others in need.

It can also be helpful to gain more awareness of underlying assumptions that drew us to this work in the first place. This is frequently not the case, particularly in the earlier stages of our careers. What may be driving our wish to help others? What kinds of past experiences have contributed to this desire?

There are usually biographical reasons that attract us to this kind of work. Sometimes this is to do with difficult family or trauma histories, which we are trying to work through by helping others. Caring for others may feel easier than being cared for or caring for ourselves. We may have experienced a painful loss and still harbour a sense of guilt about it that we are trying to make up for by caring for others to make ourselves feel better. We may secretly like the sense of ‘control’ caring for others gives us, perhaps because we haven’t felt much in control of our lives in the past or present.

Sometimes we may be challenged by a personal or professional crisis, and this can feel difficult as well as embarrassing. Some of us have high expectations of ourselves, and seeking help can be the hardest thing to do as it clashes with our identity of being the helper, and the one who’s got their life together.

It is a very personal journey to go from being a ‘walking wounded’ to a ‘wounded healer’ – from living with unconscious wounds to making them conscious and integrating them into our awareness and our lives. Often what stands in the way to move ahead with this is a sense of professional shame – after all, our identities are often built on being carers rather than the ones needing the care. This can make it difficult to reach out for help.

Rest assured, I’ve sat in this chair myself and have been working through my own issues over the years – gradually realising that this process never ends and new challenges and unexplored aspects of ourselves are always just around the corner.

Carl Jung popularised the notion of the ‘wounded healer’, patterned on the Greek myth of Chiron, whose own wound and search for a cure eventually led him to heal others. The wound provided him with a unique ability to relate to the suffering of others – an essential ingredient in the healing process.
Becoming more aware of our motivations, our histories, patterns, and our triggers can make a real difference to our ability to help others.

I have worked with health professionals for many years. I have also had a lot of therapy myself, and know what it’s like to sit in this chair.

If you are finding yourself challenged by your patients/clients, your work environment, or aspects of your personal life and would like to discuss these issues in a confidential, non-judgmental setting with someone who has been there, please reach out to me. Acknowledging and wanting to work with our own shortcomings is a strength that is valuable and that makes us better professionals and people.